I am way too nice and it’s to my detriment. I am always keeping my mouth shut when I should speak up, accepting things blindly without question, and I have allowed way too much for too long. I’m sorry but the final straw is the final straw. If I want to procure a seriously wealthy and generous benefactor, I need to make some serious personality changes.
I did my tarot yesterday, a Celtic Cross Spread this time instead of the the usual 3 card spreads I do. I have been practicing tarot and using healing crystals for a year now. I’ve always been into New Age Religion/Spirituality and Wicca so it comes pretty naturally.
Anyway, let’s just say I probably had the MOST accurate reading about my life and where it’s headed if I don’t make some serious personality and habit changes. It’s not good and it won’t get better unless I face the music. However to face the music and fix 99% of my problems, I need MONEY!! And lot’s of it.
I need to set a goal. In September, I will be 27. That’s 3 years until 30. Unfortunately in our ageist society, 30 years old with no serious career (even if you hate it) and no decent income or home/car means you are a failure. I have none of that. To deal with my current debt problems, I need $50,000. $35K to pay off defaulted student loan debt and $15K for misc. debt. After that I will be free and certainly have a better credit score. I can easily make that if I find someone or two or three (three benefactors MAX because it will be hard to juggle the needs of all 3 men) to give me a minimum of $8000 a month. I know it sounds steep but if I only deal with men with serious wealth, that shouldn’t be an issue at all.
Long term goal: By age 30 I will be debt free with at least two high limit credit cards (one an AMEX), a condo or home in my name, a luxury vehicle (nothing flashy though) in my name, a husband, fiance, or long-term lover, a job that I can do anywhere in the world, and a substantial savings account.
Short term goal: Pay off the debts that are plaguing me, raise my credit score, buy a used but reliable car, open a 401K, move into a better apartment.
My hope is to meet someone who is wealthy and also wants to be exclusive. Who will pay off my debts and help me start over financially. It’s a dream but dreams do come true. The Law of Attraction is real people. My vision board for Summer 2014 has just begun.
Back to me being too nice:
So that older man I am dating who lives in Arizona? The weird long-term relationship? I need to end that and I need to do it asap. He is smitten with me (rightly so) but he just doesn’t make enough money to even make a DENT in what I need in order to improve my situation. Sprint cut my phone off today for non-payment (it was due 2 weeks ago, i don’t blame them) so I told him. He just purchased a bedroom set for my apartment from IKEA (so it was dirt cheap) and wrote this long soliloquy in iMessage about how he wishes he could do more. Thank goodness for Wi-Fi and iMessage or else I would be completely cut off from the world, lol.
We have a trip planned for latter this month so…I won’t do it until after that. He will be devastated and that’s what has stopped me. But fuck his feelings! What about my needs? He is married and the fact of the matter is I will always come after the wife, his bills, his life, etc. And since he only makes about 500K a year it doesn’t leave much for me. I’m not in this for love and BS. I am in this for money and while I still have my looks and body, I need to make as much money as I can. I made a LOT of mistakes in my early 20s and I refuse to waste my late 20’s doing the same bullshit. He will be very sad because he is madly in love with me (or so he thinks) but I need to do what is best and get out before it’s too late.